Over the past few years, I've learned that healing is a slow process. Healing is about dealing with one issue at a time, which means going through each layer as a separate issue and dealing with that alone, looking/releasing, and then resting. Throughout this process we compliment ourselves on our accomplishments, and we compliment ourselves for trying when the issue is tougher than we thought and we need to keep working on it. It is only through Love and Gentleness that we heal. We learn to be kind to ourself, vs judging ourselves and beating ourselves up all the time.
I began this journey when my best friend of 38 years died in 2010. She was so much more than a friend, she was in fact the mother I chose vs the mother I was born from. She was 28 years older than me, and for most of my adult life she was my rock. She was profoundly spiritual in such a quiet and unassuming way. She was an Astrology master and taught me well. And when she died, after telling me a few days before, she was "ready for her next adventure", I went into shock. I knew she was dying, but the reality is a whole other issue. A little over a year later I was still feeling lost without her, and decided to begin doing something about healing myself from two major trauma's in in my life - both of which happened as a child. The first one was about 4 when Mom and Dad divorced and sent her on a journey of 11 schools by age 10, living with a different relative every 6 months and never knowing stability. This kid is wounded, abandoned, felt unlovable, and became determined to be strong and take care of herself - thus losing her childhood.
Now I know by many standards this is not a really bad childhood, but my 4 year old little girl would argue with you. She needs love and healing - which means I need love and healing. I went to a Theta Energy Worker, Alia Shah (who will see you in person or remotely), and made wonderful progress. When I first met that little girl she was living in a gray, dingy room with a torn curtain and a broken window shade, and no color anywhere. Now when I see her, she is sitting in a small English style garden with wildflowers of every color, and a swing and a gazebo and lots of animals, and my other, older selves are there too. Periodically I look in on them and say hello and tell them how proud I am of them and their progress. I tell them I love them. I am owning my layers and embracing them all.
But there are more layers of issues, and from time to time I feel the need to deal with them. This is the hard work of growing and healing. I remind myself I am doing this to release old karma and old habits which do not serve me. Issues I wish to resolve in this lifetime, because the times we are living in are profound and nurture all efforts to heal - and the ability to advance our work more quickly than ever keeps me motivated. We are remaking the energy of the World now. Are we going to fill the pool with mud or give it Light and Hope and a sense of adventure? I choose the latter. I hope you do to.
The past few years have been hard for me (lots of opposition Saturn aspects first my Mercury (depression, negative thinking), then my Moon (emotional pain seemingly growing and in my face all the time); and currently my Sun (I am not much am I? I am not smart or worthy. Self esteem in the toilet). Saturn is our friend though. He is showing us our inner drama and making us look at it, clean it up, release it. Astrology helps me see this is not punishment, this is a time to learn to heal a lot if I so choose. And so I have worked on myself, and I have had some amazing breakthroughs.
Recently Ive had several uplifting experiences. I went to the movies on March 10th and saw an action flick. It was so grim and violent my stomach was literally upset. I vowed to give them up because they just seem to be getting more and more violent. Why can't they do the action without all the violence? As I walked out of theatre, I saw the movie beside it called the Shack, which I read about but wasn't sure if it was going to be one of those in your face religion movies. I am spiritual, but not religious at all. But this ugly feeling my stomach from the violent movie made me take a chance. So I went to see it.
The second half of the movie was mind blowing. it was God portrayed as I have always believed "s/he" is. it was like my heart unfolded and told this story. It felt so personal, so intimate and real. Everyone in the theatre was blowing their nose, from happy tears. For days I was floating on air thinking about this movie. It might touch you in the same way, so I really recommend you give it a try. It’s about forgiveness, of ourselves and others and quite empowering.
Two days later I went to the Wine Country for a retreat for myself. I slept, read, walked, mediated, prayed and spent time asking for guidance and help in making myself a better life. All this darkness I was wrestling with was really getting to me. By the time my short stay was finished, I felt I had a plan, I knew steps to take to heal more, and felt really positive about the future possibilities in my life and had the outline of a plan.
That plan was to pray more for everyone and the planet and put good energy out there. To make sure Meditation is part of my routine as often as possible to keep me grounded. That exercise would be a part of that too, and to stop finding reasons not to do it. To be thankful for things, which I am quite good at, but to step it up and be MORE thankful. And to stop working myself to death and get more sleep and rest. And to keep learning, so I bought two new Courses to take. I am a Gemini and my mind needs to keep expanding or I get bored which makes me feel bad. In other words a recipe to step up my game and be more disciplined and more focused on growth vs. pain. I was walking down a new road and it felt positive and good. And when I got home I got some great news about a business deal gone awry and was now completely settled to my satisfaction! An anvil lifted off my shoulders. And many other "out of the blue" positive things have happened in this very short time span.
My dark mood has turned completely around and I am back to being my non-Saturn transit happy self. Now, Saturn is about to go retrograde so he’s gonna hit me with more issues in a couple of months, but that’s OK. I am learning. I get that he has more to teach me and I will be ready for whatever he throws at me (not to mention I don’t have a choice, it is coming, so why not embrace it?)
A dear Psychic friend of mine in NYC called me out of the blue and said, "your guides are driving me crazy, asking me to tell you something you need to know. So here goes --- you are a Healer first and foremost. You need to start taking what you know and spread it around." I spent some time considering it, and recalled when I was in my 20's and just learning meditation and healing and cured a lot of people, but it felt like so much responsibility and I ran from it. So maybe now is the time to return to my roots.
And so I am embarking on a mission to tell you about how you might heal from the experiences I have had. I will show you how I did it, step by step. I hope it helps. It certainly can't hurt to try. Stay tuned for:
Love, Light and Healing, Yvonne
Yvonne Walker, founder of theAstroHealer.com (formerly Astrological Healing) is an astrologer with 30+ years experience.